There are many reasons I began this blog series, one of them is to be able to put into words thoughts I would like to express to give myself strength to let go, move one, that I can focus on working on new goals instead of obsessing about unfullfilled ones.
This coming Sunday it will be a year ago that I finished the Marathon in Paris.
On Sunday, I will not be in Paris even though I ache to be there to fulfill an unfinished marathon business.
|at the Paris Marathon Expo 2013|
|Paris Marathon 2013 medal|
|very happy to have the finisher's medal|
When I talk about my first two marathons I say, I ran the Berlin and Amsterdam marathons respectively. When I talk about Paris, I say, I finished it.
|Left: Amsterdam Marathon 2012 medal|
Right: Berlin Marathon 2012 medal
|Berlin & Amsterdam Marathon medals and bibs |
both resting on my
Amsterdam Running Junkies running shirt
The group inspired and motivated me to reach my dream and fulfill my goal
to reach my back to back marathon dream in 2012
Why the marathon semantics? It is because I walked the last 5 kilometers of the marathon. Perhaps a few minutes before I reached the finish line with a fellow marathoner (who by then almost felt like my best friend!), they removed the time recording mat.
Even though I got my finisher's medal, my time was not registered, and therefore I am not an official finisher of Paris marathon on records.
It took a while for me to own what actually is a personal achievement because of this technical detail.
Being told by many that it was amazing how I was able to finish in spite of the stress we had, and that I did this with little to no training at all did not appease my mind to completely embrace the success of the completion.
There are many lessons learned a year after the Paris marathon.
Even though I am aware, that my bipolar disorder is what makes me want to do many things at once even under so much stress to catch up on what I feel are lost time (due to depression), and "logically"with knowledge I essentially can prevent myself from following this unhealthy pattern, I realised I need more help to do so, and I cannot do it by myself.
If only for that wisdom, I can truly say, the "pain in Paris" was worth it!
I am still far from leading an ideal healthy life, physically and mentally but I am never giving up trying to improve the quality of life for me and my family.
It's the adventure of a lifetime! :)
Next time I ran in Paris, whether a full marathon a shorter distance, or perhaps even simply for the fun of it, one thing is for sure, I will no longer be racing with myself for lost time but enjoying every minute of a run.
A bientôt, Paris!!!